I’ve been having a weird relationship with my body lately. This isn’t the first time as I’m sure most (if not everyone!) can relate to my sentiments.
I’ve mentioned a few of the topics I want to talk about today such as 1) I’ve been sick. 2) I’ve lost some weight because I have been sick and 3) Sometimes I think I look cool in the mirror but when I look at the pictures I’ve taken of myself, I feel like a disgusting blob of a human.
Starting with the first and second points. I have been sick and in turn, haven’t been eating much. I won’t go into details because it’s been a very long and very hard process of figuring out a diagnosis (unless you’re interested! let me know). But long story short I started to get other troublesome symptoms, which resulted in going to see a specialist. I’d often feel too nauseous to eat. I also tended to get very full very quickly so even when I was hungry I wasn’t eating much. It started out strange – running helped cure the nausea but then I couldn’t eat after I ran. I just wasn’t hungry. So, weight has been lost, which most people would think “oh, wow that’s awesome though!” And at first, I thought so too. If I kept feeling/getting sick, at least I’d stay thin, right?? WRONG.
Thankfully, I feel pretty fantastic most days now (thanks to some wonderful medicines). I cant eat pretty reguarly now, which is a great feeling. It can just get a little discouraging when none of your clothes fit. Part of me wants to gain a few more pounds but another part of me thinks ‘hey, I look pretty good now. I just need some new clothes,’ which may be true. I also lost a lot of muscle because I haven’t been working out like I should so perhaps I’ll be happier when I feel more muscular. But so much of my unhealthy thinking towards my body stems from our society and what we think is beautiful.
To the third point, isn’t it strange how you can think you look cool in an outfit when you look in the mirror but when you see photos of yourself you just look TERRIBLE? That is what happened with this outfit. I actually picked all of these up on a recent thrift trip (if only I’d filmed the $20 thrift challenge!). I don’t know what happened. In the mirror, I thought I looked sleek but looking at this photos everything just looks too big? Too baggy? Maybe they’d work as pieces on their own. I can’t decide. Blogging has made me become much more aware of my body and how I feel in it.
Sadly, since taking these photos a few weeks ago… my shoes have broken (need to buy some gorilla glue!) and my clumsy-self spilled white-out all over my sweater… but alas, at least I got some pictures of them first??
Everything is thrifted here.
Let me know what you think in the comments!